You broke my heart. And you know what? It was not only once. I get that you have issues, and I understand how serious they are. But that does not make you the center of everything. Everybody has issues, in different degrees and levels. You are probably too busy with yourself to acknowledge what is going on with someone else. And that is a bit selfish, don't you think?
I tried my best to be there for you, to lift you up, to include you in my life. You never let me in for real. I get that it is not easy, but you let others in and that hurt. Because all I always wanted was to help you, and to make you see yourself with my eyes. You are way better than you think, in different aspects. I was trying to show you that. Yes, I know I am not easy to digest. I know I can come across too intense, to say the least, but I have good intentions. And I really liked you.
But then I started to see that, if it wasn't for me, we would not have any contact. I stopped writing you, and I take the blame on this one: I was testing you. I was testing if you would write me back, if you missed me in your life - I also have insecurities, big surprise. Your attitudes gave me the answer I was not hoping for, even though I was expecting it. Until the day I confronted you about it and you just left. Maybe confronting you was not my best move, but I stand by it. And the way you just left everything was a horrible realization that I did not mean a lot to you.
Not a good feeling.
Now cut to tonight, when you liked one of my pictures. You couldn't even write me anything. And when, again, I confronted you, you said you did not mean it and things have been rough for you. For you. Once again, it is all about you. How you feel, what you do, how things affect you. I don't really make any difference in this equation. If I needed any more proof, you threw it in my face. Silly me for believing things could be different.
You are so into your head and your problems that you cannot see others anymore. I want to help you, but I also need help. We all do. And I feel you are not willing to give. Problem is, there is no relationship with only one way. Don't get me wrong, I would not do things expecting anything in return, it is not about that. It is about being there for each other, being friends, giving and receiving. I want to help, but I don't want to be a professional who is only doing their job. I want to be your friend, but I think you are not ready to be friends with me. Because I should also matter.
If you ever want to tell me your side of things and work on it, I am willing to try. But I will tell you beforehand that I will not jump into us until I am sure it will work. I do not want to get hurt, especially by someone I care about. You helped me learn that.
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