Epilogue

 Dido

The other day, I described this to someone else as a baking metaphor: I tried baking before, and it didn't go well. For a while I didn't know what went wrong and how to fix it, so I kept trying to bake but I didn't get great results. And I fed you bad cakes.

Recently I finally understood that my issue was with the oven: I did not know how to use it. I read about it, studied the manual, saw YouTube videos, but I never actually used that oven before, so I ended up burning my bakes. The oven did not have the intention to burn it, it was just being an oven, doing what it was supposed to do. I couldn't handle it - maybe its dials were confusing to me, maybe its temperature was in F instead of °C...

Now I know where my issue is, and I spent the last days fine tuning my oven skills, and my baking is getting better and better by the day... But where do you come in all this?

Well, there's a saying that goes like "all things come to those who wait". And I want to thank you for waiting and being there. I want to thank you for eating the bad cakes I fed you. So far, you have been patient and understanding with me, my issues, my insecurities, my complexities and my complaints. I brought into our friendship issues that had nothing to do directly with you, and you had to take them. Actually, strike that. You did not have to take it. You chose to take it. 

I am sure there were positives, but there were a lot of not so positives. And you're still there. You saw something in me that, at times, I could not see. To use another metaphor, you bet on me, and when my share value went to its lowest point, you remained calm and kept your money invested, because somehow you knew that things would pick up again, and your patience would pay off. You saw my potential and you knew one day you'd get a delicious cheesecake with a chocolate base and salted caramel sauce, and it'd so delicious that it woild even change your opinion on salted caramel.

Now I can see what you already saw. I feel that the tide is turning. I am getting my personal issues sorted, I am tidying up my house, cleaning the fog and seeing better days on the horizon. You haven't seen the best side of me yet, but that side exists. It has been dormant, suffocated by bad demons that were set free by someone else. It took me a long time to understand those demons, where they come from, how they operate and what needs to be done to get them back where they belong. But I finally do, I finally understand everything now. I am confident that the rough part is over, and if we were able to survive that, the next bit will be amazing. I am back in control, I promise you that. 

And I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life being your friend.