Intermission
Since you've been gone I became a different person. I lost a lot of my self confidence and I trusted myself way less than I did before. The whole situation wrecked me. I got destroyed, and only now I can begin to understand the extent of that destruction, and how I can start to rebuild.
You got to know me deep, deeper than most people, and one day you just left without an explanation. So the only thing I had to blame was myself. And I did. For years I managed to take good care of the bad voices that told me I'm not good enough, but those voices now had something to feed on. They could loudly whisper in my ear that they were right all along, and finally I was able to see that.
I became afraid of being myself, because that alone would be a reason for people to go, to walk away from me, that would make people leave me. And although people left me before, I could always tell myself that they were the wrong ones. They were the one who could not appreciate me for who I was, and I'd rather be alone than not being myself. That argument was no longer valid.
I've turned into a person who was always prepared to be let go, and who would go the extra mile to please, to apologize, to annul myself, if that would make someone like me. I was always ready to be abandoned. It was just a matter of time for me to screw things up, like I screwed things up with you.
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