Closure in 2 acts.

Act II - The Hawk

I know anymore exactly how or why, but suddenly you came back to life. To my life, that is, as you haven't really died in the real world, only in my metaphor. And we started talking again. In the beginning I was unsure this would be a good idea:I think there's an old saying that goes about someone who has been burned before is afraid to play with fire again. I don't think I could describe it better.

The truth is, I never had any negative feelings towards your person. I was just afraid of what you represented. Talking to you again was reliving everything, and there was a huge part of my brain telling me to run and never look back.

But there was also my heart telling me to stay. To listen to what you had to say. To give you a chance to explain your side, and give me a chance to see the full picture and understand what really happened. I had to listen to my heart on this one - something I learned both from you and from Roxette. 

And I did listen to you. I asked you questions, I gave you the chance to tell me your story. I ate it, digested and assimilated what you said. And I am a better person for it. Not simply because I was kind, but because I could learn more about myself and understand the root of some behaviours I have now.

Dealing with people is not mathematics, there's no right or wrong answer. There's no definite result to get. Sometimes things just don't work out, and that's ok. It's not my or your fault, or anyone else's. It's just the cards that have been dealt are not great, and the pile didn't offer anything better. Maybe you got the cards I needed, and I got the ones you did. As they say in Montreal: c'est la vie.

I never blamed you, and today I see that I should not have blamed myself either. The issues I had were my fault, you were only the trigger. But your actions would not have had any effect if it wasn't for my personality, my insecurities and my personal issues. Those issues are not (and probably will never be) completely sorted, but I understand now better how to control them.

I have another virtual friend now. He's what you and I would have been, if things were different. I now see that I brought a lot of baggage from our friendship to my friendship with him. Some of it was bad and created friction, but some of it helped me navigate things better with him than I did with you. 

I learned a lot from you, and I learned a lot about myself. And that's what stuck to me: not the bad things, not the issues we had, not the hard times. But the fact that you made me a better person. And I will alway be thankful to you for that. I don't see you and me as friends anymore, and I don't think I ever will. But I like the idea of having you in my life, knowing that if I'm ever at your city, I can give you a ring and maybe meet for a coffee or a poutine. That we can be social to each other and chit chat on WhatsApp about life. I'm happy with that arrangement. But most important, I got closure. And I can move on.