It's complicated

Ok so I feel really bad to tell you this, and I don't expect you to answer to it, although there's a raw part of me who wants you to answer. It's complicated, everything about this is complicated.

The thing is, I wish I kissed you. Please, don't get me wrong: I am absolutely glad I did not kiss you, and I am absolutely sure this was the right way, especially in light of recent events. But I wish I did. It sucks that I wish it, but it's true. And I'm not even considering whether you'd have kissed me back or not. I just cannot stop thinking about kissing you.

I hope the four of us get to do this thing, so I can have you without damaging anything with him. And I cannot deny that having him around if this happens would be an amazing plus and a great way to finally get this done.

The talk

Next week, if we meet, I want to have a chat with you. That will happen in the last day, before we both go home. We will discuss the future of our friendship and I will ask you to make a choice, but not the choice you're probably thinking about.

This is not something new, this is something I have planned for a long time, something I want to do when we finally meet in person. 

I am writing this now to mark the occasion, to avoid any questioning from your side that this talk was triggered by something that happened after we met in person. No matter how good or bad the weekend goes, we will have this talk.

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Dear Bernardo,

I love you! I might not say that so often anymore, and sometimes I'm not even sure that I'm showing you that, but I do. I think you are amazing, I am glad that you are around and I am immensely happy to spend the rest of my life with you. We'll be together until the end, and we will make the best out of it.

So thank you for being alive, for being there and for being you. You're amazing! And I love you!