Dear Blog,
this is my last letter, and it wouldn't make any sense to send it to anyone else but you. Over the years, you helped me a lot. I came here to put out everything that was eating me inside, but I also had in you a way to organise my thoughts. To scream all I had to scream so I would do it with a cold computer screen, and not a warm person with real feelings. I left you opened to the world and I said that, if someone wanted to read it, I was out of my control. But the truth is, I never really wanted anyone to read what I wrote here. In fact, the only reason I kept writing is because I knew nobody would read it.
But then somebody did, and it hurt them. And you might have noticed that I haven't written here since then. I was scared of what my words could do to someone else. The idea of being opened was wonderful in theory, where I put my thoughts out there and they were not my responsibility anymore. Whoever found and read it, did it on their own risk. Reality though was bitterer. No matter how I tried to spin it, I caused hurt.
Being away from you for all those months made me realise that I did not need you anymore, and that's good news. I am not saying I solved all my issues, but I did solve the ones I wanted to when I set you up. I still have a long way to go, but I am a better person today than I was when I wrote my first unsent letter, and that is something I will always be grateful to you for.
So, for one last time, thank you for being there. Thank you for having empty boxes ready for my mix of letters and punctuation. Thank you for allowing me to know myself, to understand myself, and to deal with myself and the way others affect me. But also, and that's probably the most important of it all, thank you for showing me that kindness and love is always better than anger and hate. That, no matter how upset I am with someone, it is not worth it to throw my sadness and anger at them. That the world can be a better place if everybody would sit, talk and get things sorted.
I won't come back here anymore. I will move on, probably start another blog to write about my many still unresolved issues. But I will always know that you helped me be a better version of myself. And I won't delete you either, I will keep you here so I can always come back and remind myself that there is a better path to be taken.
With love,
Bernardo.
