Right, I think everyone deserves an explanation, so I am writing you this to tell you why I don't want to have contact with you anymore.
I never made assumptions about your values nor did I accuse you of anything. This is something that you interpreted as an accusation, and I cannot be held responsible for how you read into things and what kind of meanings you see in them.
I said that I am not a slave driver and I don't think this should be used in a joke. When you called me a slave driver it did make me uncomfortable, and I did not know what it means. I asked different British friends, and they explained it to me. I still feel uncomfortable to be called that, despite it being a regular and common expression.
And I maintain my opinion that the word slave or any reference to slavery should not be used in a joke, no matter how harmless it is or whoever is saying it - whether it is you or anybody else. So my issue was not with you, but with the expression you used. Anyone who would have said that to me would have gotten that same reaction. Anyone who says that to me, now that I know what it means, will still get the same reaction. My issue with you is that you chose to attack me, instead of respecting my opinion. I would expect my friends to give more importance to the way I feel than to the way the English language is spoken. After all, a language does not have feelings. To give you an example: If someone says they want to be called by the pronouns "they/them", you'd be expected to respect that, regardless of what gender they were assigned at birth and what is the correct way in the English language to address that gender. And no, I am not comparing myself to a gender non-comforming person, I am simply using this situation as an example to make my point.
Furthermore, you had the perfect opportunity to teach me something I did not know, and that could have turned into an interesting and educational discussion. I would have made the same points I am doing now, and I would have given you the chance to expose your point of view. And even if we disagreed, we would have kept it civil and friendly. Not all my friends have the same opinion of me, and I respect that. But you decided to escalate the situation and attack me and my level of English, which I think it was uncalled for. But most importantly, I truly believe that when you feel personally attacked by a friend, the best way forward is to take a deep breath and try to talk about it, instead of attacking back. Friendships are not a competition where one has to win. If someone inside a friendship loses, both friends lose. It would be a competition without a winner. Instead, friends should play together to win together. If one of the friends would make a bad move, the other friend would try to save it and make it better, not make it worse to have the last word. The way you handled this situation shows me how you handle friendships, and I don't want to embark on one with you.
Finally, this was not the first time you said something that offended me. You once suggested that I should put bromide in my tea to calm my libido. Once again this might be something normal for you or in the English language, but I find it offensive, especially because my libido is none of your business. For ME, this is a reference to chemical castration, and I don't think anyone should say that to someone else ever, not even as a joke.
On a different occasion, you suggested that one of the reasons I liked my job was the possibility to have sex with different guys in different places, and if I would control my libido, I would be able to get a better job. Once again, it is not for you to decide if my libido should be controlled, and you don't know me well enough to make assumption about the reasons I do my job and what makes me like it.
So what happened today did not just come out of the blue, it was the last drop of water on a cup that was already pretty full. The things I'm pointing out here might not be the facts, but they are how I see and how I feel about them. As I said, one should not be held accountable for what someone feels or how someone else interprets things, and I don't hold you accountable for that. But I don't want to have someone in my life who triggers this kind of feelings in me. I see a pattern here of things I think are inappropriate to be said to someone else, but you might consider them to be ok. And you are entitled to have your opinion and your views about what's right or wrong, but for me it's enough reason to have no interest in keeping in touch with you.
One more thing: the husbear knows everything that happens to me, almost immediately when it happens. We have no secrets with each other. So you don't need to run to him to gossip about me, he knew everything already. Divide and conquer is not a tactic that works with us. If anything, it only makes us stronger...
